I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
