did you get engaged???
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We had sex on a dog bed..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
