Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
