Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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