A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
