census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
