You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
