First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize