Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
