im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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