Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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