I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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