He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
