I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
