Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
