Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
