she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
