You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
