My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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