well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
