I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
