I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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