im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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