looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
