Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
