she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
