I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
