ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
smell my finger.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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