I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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