apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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