I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Say something about gay babies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
