i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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