is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize