the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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