I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
