we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
