Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
