Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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