I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
