so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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