I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
