And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
