was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
