People in love make me want to vomit
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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