Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
PANTIES FOUND
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