I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
