Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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