Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
