my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The uberlube is also flammable
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Randomize
