We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
