the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
