please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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