I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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