Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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