I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
