CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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