It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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