would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
