Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i believe in u and ur pee
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
