ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
