ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
