Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
