I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
