bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
