ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
