loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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