Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
