He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
